I went to an assault course today. I'm a member of an activities club called SPICE, who arrange allsorts of activity events, plus social events like meals etc. Todays offering was an assault course in Birmingham. We were told that you needed a basic level of fitness but was not too difficult as children do it also. Mind you , children can be much more energetic. Before I went, I expected a kind of 'Krypton factor challenge'. Of those who ever watched the 'Krypton Factor', it was a human challenge programme where the contestants battled it out in the studio with IQ type tests, and then the competition culminated in a race on an assault course. However, today's event was more of an activity challenge. It was not a race, and our group went round all the obstacles one by one, while the marshalls gave us tasks to do like getting a bucket of water from one part of the obstacle to the next. The favourite bit was the zip wire slide. We were each kitted up with a harness and we went up a ladder onto the launch platform. After we were secured to the wire, we stepped off and zipped down the wire across the lake to the other side. The most scary bit was near the end because I was going faster and faster, rapidly approaching the end of the wire, and there was no sign of getting slower until right at the end when a kind of rope brake system snags the slider you are hanging from, and stops you in the space of about 6 metres. I'm glad there was no chance of falling into the river, as it looked a rather striking green colour, not healthy. Put it this way, I would not have even let a dog swim in it.

David

Some more words of wisdom from a friend of mine.

Subject: Life cycle

I think the life cycle is all backwards.

You should start out dead and get it out of the way.

Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.

You get kicked out for being too healthy: go collect your pension, then

when you start work you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get

ready for high school.

You go to primary school, you become a kid: you play, you have no

responsibilities, you become a baby and then...

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxure, in spa-like

conditions, central heating, room service on tap, and then,

you finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.

Thanks to the wonderful world of information technology, we have all sorts of information at our disposal so that we can now lead happy and fulfilled lives. As an example, I have reproduced an email I was sent recently, about emails in general:

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue
on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that
needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I don't like using loos in pubs, just in case the cleaner used strong acid to clean the seat and forgot to wash it off, thus burning my bum;

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to that sick girl
who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.

I don't use those chip and pin terminals in case my card gets cloned and is used to spend £5000 on a handbag at Harvey Nics;

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward
an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so
a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I don't complain about my food in a restaurant in case someone in the back spits on my pudding;

I no longer use film wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave
anymore because it will blow up in my face...
disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked
with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume
sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore,
and Uzbekistan.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the
parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting
underneath my car to grab my leg.

Oh, and don't forget this one either!

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas
companies!'

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this
afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to
grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a
friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's
cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....

I went up the the Lake district, Elterwater, with some friends from the Leeds Youth hostel association. I went with some trepidation, as I am not an experienced walker and I wondered if I would end up doing a 15 mile route march over the hills with some keen walkers; I cannot read a map to lead a walk myself.
Thank fully there were two main choices, one of them being a nine mile walk. One of the things I don't like about some organised walks, is that they don't stop to admire scenery. They could walk past some lovely sites, like a swan in a river with her cygnets, with barely a glance. However, on this walk we had plenty of time, and the lead walker stopped plenty of times at nice spots so we could have a good look. On the way back we stopped and had a swim in the river. It was the first time I had done anything like that since I was a young teenager, and I loved it. The water was crystal clear but really cold. The little fish nibbled at my feet if I stood still on the bottom for any length of time.
The next day, we did not stop as often, but we had a lengthy lunch stop and swam in a tarn.
I really didn't want to leave on the Sunday afternoon, I would have stayed until the next day and done it all again, if I hadn't been giving two people a lift back to Leeds. Mind you it wouldn't have been the same on my own.
Which leads me to the main subject. I did a first when I got back home. Because I was fired up with enjoying the outdoors, and the weather forecast was good, I decided to sleep outside in the back garden. I got the cushions from the settee and put them on the patio, and slept in my sleeping bag. Although I was very tired I found it difficult to sleep at first, because I kept hearing movement of something moving about, it might have been a frog in the Red Hot Pokers bush. I had visions of a frog climbing all over me in the middle of the night. I woke up this morning hearing something definitely creeping around near me. I looked up suddenly to catch it out, just in time to see a black bird shoot off to the back of the garden.

If I do the same thing tonight I'll try to ignore all the noises of the night. If I keep still enough, my sleeping bag could become a hide to observe birds in the garden close up.

According to the news today, some Hindus have had a funeral pyre today to see off one of their relatives. It's illegal in this country apparently, but the police turned a blind eye to it. i wonder why its illegal? Probably something to do with fume control. Apparently, when all those cattle were burned during the foot and mouth outbreak, there was an increase in dioxon levels in the atmosphere.

What way would you like to be seen off?
I used to be a parachutist, so the way I would like to go would be a cross between a cremation and a sea burial. I would be despatched from an aircraft after having being set on fire, with a bit of help from petrol, and I would fall into the ocean in a blaze of glory.

Astro.

I would not have believed it, but I actually cried at the end of Dr. Who last night, when Rose leaves the Doctor for ever; and i don't cry at the drop of a hat either. In quite a powerful way it explored issues of death and impermanance. For me, it was slightly reminiscent of a burial of a friend or relative; when I have seen the coffin go into the ground, it is a final confirmation that I will not see them ever again, and it really hits home, like a door slamming shut forever. Quite a powerful emotion.

Although we know on an intellectual level that our friends and family won't last forever, deep down we actually believe and act as if they are going to be around forever. Rose was absolutely convinced that she would be with the Doctor forever, but they were torn apart quickly and unexpectedly, and she was distraught. the portal between the two parallel universes which seperated Rose and the Doctor slammed shut forever.

In real life our friends, family, enjoyments and even our own life could come to an end just as quickly and unexpectedly. I think the best way to live is to remind ourselves every day that the things we take for granted may come to an end today. Instead of making us miserable, it will make us lighten up, enjoy things more; and I'm sure that we could handle it much better when things do actually come to and end.

David

I got a letter from natwest bank asking me to fill in a customer satisfaction questionnaire so that they could improve services. The last question was if there was anything I suggested to make my branch better. I replied that they could do with some nice pictures on the walls to make the place look a bit less serious. I also said don't even consider putting piped music in any banks, I hate piped music.
I thought I would add that to pre empt any moves to introduce music. It might be something to do with my age or my less than perfect hearing, but I find alot of piped music, or any music for that matter intrusive in public places where people have not asked for it. I'd rather listen to what people have to say to me rather than have racket blaring in my ears thank you very much. I once stayed in a hotel for two weeks in malta where they had piped music in the corridors all day, and one of the speakers was right next to my door. They would put it on at around 9 am and it wouldn't go off until around 9 in the evening. They ignored my complaints about it and it drove me mad when the two weeks were up.

Some people seem to think we have to have some sort of noise playing continuously in the background wherever you go, restaurants, pubs etc.
Silence is not golden any more apparently.
By the way, a friend of mine thought that piped music was that kind of music played on pan pipes.

David

A while ago, I received a card from the local library. It was a reminder for an overdue book that I hadn't bothered returning, because I was too busy doing other things. The title of the book was 'Procrastination, how to overcome it'.
So obviously the book hadn't done any good had it. I found it so funny that i kept the card as a souvenir.

David

Hey, I like this new groovy html editor although it does take a long time to change colours.

I think blue is my favourite colour.